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Emotional Stories
Igor: If everyone could just make sure that you have lots of stories to tell please, that will make life easier for everyone. The simplest way of doing that particular thing is to realize that you’ve had a life. You haven’t just popped out of a box this instant, and that means you have a lifetime of very rich and rewarding experiences.
Robin: And if frankly every time you open your mouth you tell a story, unless you’re giving a list of facts and that’s not much of a conversation, right?
Igor: Right.
Robin: Has anyone, do you have any follow up from this morning? Anything just to…?
Igor: I think the basic rules from this morning were… Stop thinking and let the stuff come out. Be aware of the layer of muck you have to go through and be willing to go through that initially, and know that your stories clean up very well afterwards. Hopefully you’ll notice, a lot of you are starting to mention things like, it starts getting easier, the story starts getting better and so on. That’s basically you warming up that storytelling muscle, which is pretty much what we’ll be doing for the rest of the day isn’t it?
Robin: That’s right. We’re going to be focusing on personal stories. On the stories we tell. Can I give an example?
Igor: I think that would be nice.
Robin: My friend Steve, when I first met him it was at a networking event. I asked him what he did and he said, I’m an accountant and the way he said it, his whole demeanor, told me that he wasn’t very thrilled about that aspect. He didn’t feel that what his work was; was particularly exciting or interesting. Over time I got to talk to him a bit more and asked him a few questions about it. I said who are your clients?
He’s based in Brighton which is a very creative town and it turns out that quite a few of his clients are musicians and bands. So I asked him, have you got some famous named clients? He said yes, there are a couple bands who you’ve heard of, but you know what really excites me? The new bands, the guys who have been putting the effort in for years and finally they have a break, a recording contract and record on the charts. Then suddenly they start getting offers and the money starts coming in and unless they’re prepared for that, they can spend it all at once on the wrong things. I said Steve, so what you’re telling me is that you help future rock stars prepare for financial success.
He smiled and laughed at that. He’s like yeah I know what you did just then. There’s a way of framing what we do and finding the positive in it. Finding the passion, the excitement and spin, and there’s a thin line between spinning and spinning.
Igor: One of the things we want you all to get used to now is how to appreciate the stories you don’t think you have, more, so that when you start recognizing the value in what you have then others can see that more clearly also. I think the best way to do that is to start with an exercise, don’t you?
Robin: Yes, and you can help each other in this context. Because as you’re hearing each other’s stories it might help the person who’s telling the story. If you reflect back to them, only that which works…
Igor: Only…
Robin: Do you enjoy…
Igor: … that which you enjoy. That’s a very important point, because whatever we repeat back, you know where attention goes energy flows. So do you want to feed back what you want to have more of or the things you want to have less of? Unfortunately now, especially in school, what do they do? They feed back on all the things you didn’t do well, red mark, red mark, change this, do this, do the other. That really worked for you didn’t it? Right now we’re only interested in putting attention on those elements of what people are already doing that are already working, so we can build on that foundation.
Robin: So if you find an element of somebody’s story that particularly moves you or something in the way they perform it engages you or makes you laugh or just stands out for you. Then give them the feedback and let them know.
Igor: I really enjoyed hearing Steve’s story about how he went from boring accountant to preparing rock stars for success. That was a really nice way of seeing the whole thing differently.
Robin: It’s kind of an example of what I call the ‘who I am’ story. If you think about the story I told in the beginning, that’s a who I am story. I wanted to share something with you and in doing so you learned a whole load of things about me, some of which I have no clue what they were. But, there were other things that were intentional. I often tell stories about my family, because my family is really important to me and I want people to know that.
Igor: There are many different types of stories you can tell. We will explore what we’ve come to think are some of the more important ones.
Robin: We’re going to start with probably the easiest category and one which you will be familiar with, many of you who have been here the last eight days.
Igor: The stories we’ll focus on now are very simple ones. They are the ones that have some sort of strong emotion involved. They can be strong negative emotions as well as positive ones. For a moment though, just for the fun of it. Let’s stick to relatively positive events. It will help you to find the gold in it more easily, although both will be valuable to you in time.
Robin: We’re thinking about, when were you most excited?
Igor: Did you ever fall in love?
Robin: When were you most scared, in a good way?
Igor: What sort of charmed you in a way that you still haven’t forgotten?
Robin: There are a whole bunch of emotions and experiences, states of mind, that are useful for you to be able to elicit in the people you speak to.
Igor: The secret is not to say, you know when you’ve been really excited, you get really excited and it’s a really exciting story for you, which is the way the conscious mind tells stories. But more, to recall being very excited and sharing the events so that inviting those people into your brave new world, they get to feel the excitement that you did, to some degree anyway. That makes sense doesn’t it?
Robin: So the way we’re going to do this is to start off, you’ve already practiced mingling today, and I’d like you to take a minute or two in pairs to each share a story about some experience you had in which you felt a strong emotion.
Igor: Once you’ve told that story for your minute and of course heard yours in return from the other person, you’ll probably notice something interesting happening. Have you ever noticed when someone tells you a story, especially one that’s meaningful to them, it makes you think of another story. It’s like oh, that reminds me of a story. Have you ever noticed that? Whatever that story is that you’ve been reminded of…
Robin: … it will just make it easier for you to think of the next one that you’ll share when you change partners, right?
Igor: So you’ll use each partner as a sounding board so you realize what the next story will be without having told it yet.
Robin: Our intention over the course of the week this weekend is that you generate lots and lots and lots of different stories and experiences. This is why we’ve been practicing the whole discarding, remembering discarding.
Igor: And when we say discarding that doesn’t mean you forget about them forever, it just means you don’t get attached to them. You can have one story, another story and another story, and just find them wherever they happen to arise.
Robin: One of the things that I find handy as I’m working on stories, and in order to remember them, is that I give the story a name. So like the crazy cat story is something easy to remember.
Igor: It’s funny you say that because I do something completely different. For me the stories always revolve around some person, object, thing or event and just by seeing that in my mind’s eye I remember the whole story. If you want to think of Snow White you could have Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs or you can think of an apple with a piece missing. That to me reminds you of the whole story.
Robin: It’s kind of like you could create a house or a room in a house and have a whole set of drawers and just store those pictures and images.
Igor: Something we might actually explore at some point. So, for the moment, that’s just us waxing lyrical about all kinds of crazy events. Really, all that’s required right now is if you were to stand up and start chatting with each other. Spend about a minute each, telling an emotional story and then moving on to someone else. Off you go [Exercise starts] Hands up if you told at least one story in that round of exercises. At least one, one plus. Hands up if you told at least two stories in the whole exercise. Three. Four. Not a single hand for four, wow okay. That will be the new goal, the Olympic storytelling championships are here. We have silver and bronze lining up, but gold, I think we need at least four for gold, don’t we?
Mnemonic Journey
Igor: What I’d like to invite you to do for a moment is to put things down so that you can close your eyes. I would like you to begin to think about a place that’s very familiar to you. The easiest one to take up would be your home. You have many different locations in your home. You have a kitchen, bathroom, some kind of hallway and you probably have some kind of living area and bedroom.
There may be many more rooms in this particular home, but those are the typical things that you’d expect to find. I’d like for you to choose, of all those rooms, one particular room that you are quite familiar with. Could be the kitchen, bedroom, the bathroom, and I would like for you to take a mental inventory of this room.
For example, if this were a kitchen you’d probably have a refrigerator, an area to cook in, a sink with a tap and you no doubt would have a set of pots and pans in a drawer somewhere or maybe standing out. You’d have utensils. Maybe you have a drawer full of knives. Maybe the knives are in a special board that you can move them in and out of. Most people have a cutlery drawer. They’ll have drawers where the dishes go and glasses, different kinds of glasses. Some people, who enjoy drinking wine for example, might have a wine rack.
You might have something different. I’d like for you to take inventory of the space you’re thinking about, whether it’s the kitchen or somewhere else and find 10 such locations that are easy for you to recall. Then walk around them in sequence. If you start at the fridge, of course, right next to the fridge may be the freezer or the dryer. Right next to that might be a table top and next to that might be a sink, next to that might be something else. Just mentally take a tour from one logical step to the other until you’ve collected 10 locations that are quite distinct from each other. Try to get some variety into this.
Once you’ve chosen your 10 locations and you’ve taken a little tour of all those 10 in a particular sequence, repeat the sequence maybe two or three times, just so you’re sure you’ve taken the same path around this particular room each and every time. You can take your time doing that there’s no hurry. We’ll wait here quite comfortably until you’ve completed that sequence and found 10 locations that look at little different each time. Run through them three or four times. I know you’re ready to continue for the next step because your eyes will open once you’ve done all that, but there’s no hurry for it right now, just enjoy recalling the features of this particular room in this particular way.
Once you’ve gone through it three or four times then you can open your eyes and look up front. We have most of you back now with one or two still rehearsing. As the last few people make their way back, who wants to share a little about the room they were in and the different locations they found and the journey they took, anyone? This is the interactive portion.
Robin: Thank you Pamela.
Pamela: I was using your bedroom. It’s just one big room with walls completely like this with stuff everywhere.
Igor: Excellent. So, lots of different stuff on the walls, yes?
Pamela: Yes, but it’s extremely well organized.
Igor: Oh, we like that.
Pamela: In increments.
Igor: Well organized is good for this.
Pamela: So it’s a lamp and then ESL books.
Igor: Wonderful.
Pamela: Then it’s a section of papers, because papers stick to me like magnets.
Igor: Right.
Pamela: Then it’s a piece of plywood with computers on sawhorses and then more genealogy notebooks and things.
Igor: Very good.
Pamela: Then a TV set.
Igor: May I pause you there for a second?
Pamela: Yes.
Igor: If you’re not actually looking at Pamela right now you’re probably missing it. Can you carry on describing this? I apologize for the attention but you’ll enjoy this.
Pamela: I know what you’re talking about.
Igor: I know. You can start from the beginning if you want or you can start from the middle.
Pamela: Next is a TV set and all the things to hear, to make the TV set louder and stuff. Then it’s journals, 50 journals that I wrote and then it’s jewelry boxes, because I don’t have a special place for them they’re just on the floor on a thing that slides. Then it’s a pantry, a chrome closet because there are no closets in my house.
Igor: Wonderful.
Pamela: So there are clothes and too many shoes.
Igor: Would you say that Pamela is in her memory right now?
Group: Yes.
Igor: Very firmly located. One of the things our brains do the best is store locations. That’s one of the things that we’ve been predisposed to do, because otherwise we’d get lost in next to no time everywhere. Pamela, you did an excellent job of demonstrating that, so thank you for that Pamela. Does anyone else want to talk about their location?
Student: One thing that I found as I went around the room once or twice is I remembered things that I didn’t remember the first time.
Igor: You started getting extra details as you go along right?
Student: Yes.
Igor: And you can add them in or skip them it doesn’t matter. The point is at the end of the whole process do you have a clear root of some 10 locations that you can go round.
Student: We call it our sitting or music room, because it’s used for both purposes.
Igor: Sure.
Student: There’s an upright piano.
Igor: Yes, very nice.
Student: There are some bookends on top of the piano, some pieces of music.
Igor: Once again let me pause you briefly, once again do you hear how she’s stepping into her memory very fully there? This will be very important in a moment, carry on.
Student: On the other side of the doorway there’s a nice stand with some drawers in it with a television on top of that and in front of that there’s a storage cabinet where my son used to keep his video games, and he would sit watching the video and TV. Then there’s a window with a bench beneath it. You come around the room and there’s a bookcase with glass doors and on top of the bookcase I have my Hummel collection and Arthur has his collection of special signed books inside. As you come around the room we have a table and a lamp. Then another sitting chair. One thing I did forget coming around the room is that there’s a fireplace with a fireplace insert. I forgot that fireplace was there.
Igor: But you remembered now right?
Student: There’s a music stand and there are some guitars hanging on the wall.
Igor: Wonderful.
Student: Coming around there, there’s a magazine rack and another sitting area.
Igor: So you have the makings of an incredible storyteller right now, because you have so many locations. That’s excellent. Does everyone have one room with a similar sort of familiarity as these two people have just talked about, yes? Here’s what we’re going to do and Verna, I’ll give you some special instructions in a moment. In a moment we’ll do the same thing again, we’ll sit down and mentally go through that room, but before we do that I would like for you to think about the two, three or so stories that you told just now during the exercise. I’d like you to select from those two or three stories one element that encapsulates it for you.
It could be the title as Robin was saying. For me it would usually be something I could see. For example, a person that may be dressed in a particular way. Maybe it’s located somewhere. For example, if I think of a story about in my law firm I might just think of the front doors of the law firm to remind me this is what this story is about. Verna, for you, I would recommend however you remember things, whether it’s through sounds that are familiar to you or feelings, a sense of touch in feeling a particular object that you select something like that, just one simple sense that encapsulates the story for you. If you think of one you instantly think of the other.
Can you all do that now? Go through the three stories you told and select some portion of that that epitomizes that particular story, something unique about it. So when you think of that particular object, event, person or whatever, that story comes to mind. Is that easy to do? As soon as you’ve done that you might as well close your eyes again. The following journey will be really easy for you because you want to locate yourself back in the room you thought about a moment ago.
Take a few moments to reorient yourself and quickly zip through those 10 locations, where you start, where was the second or third, fourth, fifth, sixth point? You don’t have to remember the number you just remember they’re in a sequence. Eventually you get to the 10 th location and when you’ve done that I would like to come back to the first location and really think about that place, have a look at it.
Then consider your first story and that item, person or icon that really reminds you of that first story. If someone were to take a photograph of it or a cardboard cutout and stick it to that first location, what would that look like? It’s an odd image to have in your bedroom, living room, kitchen wherever, but consider that.
Then move on to the second location, the one right after and do the same with your second story, whatever the thought, image, idea, person, whatever icon really symbolizes that story for you and again create a mental cardboard cutout that you would stick there and have a look at that scene being a little odd. You can superimpose on top of each other, some way to connect the two so they’re touching.
If you had a third story you can do that a third time with the third location. That’s simple is it not? As soon as you’ve had all your stories covered this way I’d like you to mentally review them again. Go to the first location and notice how that picture is there is it not? Second location, third location… Just be sure and go to the first location, oh there it is again. Second location, yep that’s odd but there it is. Third location, one more time. When you’re ready come on back.
Who found that relatively easy to do? Very quickly, mentally scan the room right now and see if you can list the three stories like that in their right order. Can you do that? Easy right? We’re going to go through the process of generating many stories over the next hour or so. Each time a story comes out we may ask you to put it to one side, discard it or go to another story and so on, but what we’re really saying is, find something within that story that is unique, a picture, item or some type of icon, and stick it on the next location. Then mentally rehearse all the ones that came before it up to that point and when the chain is complete go great, forget about it, new story.
Can you all do that? Any questions? You simply need to repeat the same process that you did. Right now you mentally walk through your room. Go to the first location and have a thought about whatever the icon was there. Then go to the second location and put an icon there. Then go to the third location if you have one, do the same. You have at least seven other locations if not more, so as you’re telling stories now as we go into some storytelling exercises, as soon as you finish that particular story take a moment, find some icon in that story that reminds you of the story.
Let’s say you only have three stories in your room there, stick the fourth icon on the fourth location, same as you did a moment ago. Then when you go into your fifth story get another icon, go to your fifth location and stick it there. From time to time mentally walk through the room again to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be and that’s it. Simple, straightforward? I think it’s time they collected some things to decorate their rooms with, don’t you?
Robin: Absolutely. Whichever way you choose to remember, this is a good process to begin that. You’ll find, because it happens anyway, that when you need a story it will be there. They tend to pop up when you need them.
Igor: Yep.
Robin: It’s like that crazy cat story I was telling you about.
Igor: The crazy cat.
5 Elements Of Story
Robin: Have you guys noticed, by the way, that films always have the title and they have a nice tagline and then there’ll be another bit of text that kind of describes and summarizes what the plot is? Then there’s the movie itself. One of the things we’re going to be practicing over the next couple of days is how you tell the same story in 30 seconds and how you tell it in 30 minutes. The key for that is working out what’s the tagline of this. If this was a movie what would the tagline be? That’s how I do it. One of the simplest examples of a title that’s also the tagline is ‘Snakes on a Plane’.
Igor: Anyone hear the cross talk? We’re going fishing I think.
Robin: So just have a thought about it as you’re working on your stories. What’s the tagline for this story? How could I tell this in a sentence or two sentences? There are so many different kinds of stories and structures to the stories we tell, what I’d like you to do for the next couple of exercises is to choose one or two, let’s say two, of the stories that you’ve just generated, to work on them and to refine. I’m going to introduce a couple ideas to you about how stories are structured and the important elements they have, so that over the next few hours and days as you continue to tell stories you can begin to focus and pull out essential elements of what you’re telling. You’ll also find this really helps you to remember them. Have any of you heard of Joseph Campbell?
Okay. He wrote a book called The Hero with a Thousand Faces. He looked at stories throughout history, mythologies of different cultures and more modern literature and films, TV programs, all the different ways we receive stories. He showed that basically they’re all the same. They all have an essential element. It’s the struggle of the hero through adversity to victory and triumph. I should say in advance that Joseph Campbell isn’t a personal inspiration of mine. I love his stuff. He has lots of ideas, but in my own history of learning this stuff he’s not someone who had a great impact on my particular way of working.
If you look at his model there are loads of different kinds of stages and people have refined that. So, if you want to follow up and read more on the Internet about this kind of thing then do. I’ll give you the simple version, one that you can remember with five fingers or three. What’s the essential element of a story that allows us to connect with it?
Group: The hero.
Robin: The character, the hero, thank you. Here’s a question for you.
Pamela: Or heroine.
Robin: Yes, thank you. I’ll ask you a little aside. Think about the story of your life. Are you the hero? When you watch a movie, like a James Bond movie, you know the henchman that gets bumped off in the first act? Guess what? He was the hero of his own story too. Nobody thinks about the henchman’s family. Everyone is the hero of their own stories and if you read a lot and watch movies, you often find that the believable characters, the believable stories, are the ones in which even though, we’re being fed a line of this guy is the hero and this guy is the villain, the best stories recognize the fact that that villain is the hero in his own story.
1. Your story needs a hero or heroine. That hero doesn’t always have to be a human being. It can be an animal.
Igor: Like a puppy.
Robin: Like a puppy. It could be a community or tribe or a nation. It could be a car.
Igor: Or a tank.
Robin: Your hero is that character with which we identify and relate. Aristotle wrote 2500 years ago the purpose of drama, of tragedy, was that the audience experienced a catharsis by seeing their story told through on the stage. By identifying with the hero they got to have a release and catharsis through that experience. So, number one your thumb hero.
Second element I’ll introduce is perhaps not quite as obvious so I won’t ask you what it is.
2. Passion More specifically, where is your passion for this story or in this story. What’s the thing about this story that touches your heart and makes you feel? What else do we need?
Igor: Ooh.
Group: A challenge or problem.
Robin: Yes. A challenge or a problem, the journey, the struggle.
3. The antagonist Again, the antagonist can be a person, a situation or the weather or a mountain or your own internal blockage or barrier. There has to be something for the hero to strive against. What do you think is next?
Group: Redemption, struggle, some sort of routine… tri-tagonist… right the best friend, yeah. A turning moment. This is all great stuff. Thank you. An outcome. A learning. A mentor. A woman.
Igor: Spoken like a true Frenchman.
Robin: I like the tri-tagonist, I hadn’t heard that before, but it reminds me of a story.
Igor: No.
Robin: My friend and I were… I used to be an actor and gave it up a while ago, but all my friends are still actors… standing around outside a pub one night and my friend is a big chap with scars on his cheeks because he’s a rugby player. He looks beefy. He was basically moaning that he only got cast as thugs or the cuddly chap. Our other friend was standing there and he has dark hair, basically looks like either an Italian gangster or a policeman and that’s how he gets cast.
They started going Robin, what would you be? Oh I know. They decided I wasn’t good looking enough to be the hero, so I would be best friend of hero, gets killed halfway through movie. Thanks.
All of those are great ideas and to sum them up, I propose in this simple model we have the first three and the fourth should be…
4. Awareness This would be the epiphany, the moment of change, the realization; the discovery of this is how I’m going to solve this problem. It’s the light that gets turned on. It’s that aha moment that leads to five.
5. Transformation How the person, the situation or the issue is resolved as a result of that moment of awareness.
So, we have our own personal passion for the story. We have the hero in the story with whom we identify with. We have the antagonist/struggle we’re faced with. We have the realization, epiphany and awareness that enables us to transform and move through the situation. Is that clear? I’d like you to take two of the stories you were telling earlier, and bear in mind these are generalizations, boxes we’re fitting reality into and not the other way around. Have a moment in pairs to reflect on what are the five different elements and how do they map into those two stories. Make sense?
Igor: So you’re not telling the story yet you’re just going to discuss with them that if you were to tell the story who or what would you make the hero? Where would be the antagonist? How do you feel about this story that makes you want to tell it in the first place? At what point does the awareness come that lets the story come to an end? How have things changed as a result of everything? The transformation. Discuss those things a little so we can take the next step in a moment’s time.
Robin: Take about five minutes, coach each other through that so you’re clear on how it works and then we’ll do a Q&A.
Igor: Off you go [Exercise started] Some useful food for thought there right? Enjoying the conversations you’re having. Now that you’ve had some ideas around these five elements of a story, it’s time you actually did them. So find someone you haven’t spoken to yet or shared a story with and retell the same story.
This time we’ll give you 3 minutes apiece, so you have three times as long to tell the same story, but you get to dwell a little more on each of these five points. Make sense? Off you go. [Exercise starts]
How did that go? How did the story go the second time around?
Glen: Hey. As you were explaining what you needed with the five elements I was thinking, the stories I just told didn’t have any of those, apart from a hero and some passion, they didn’t seem to have the other points in it. When I was retelling it I surprised myself in finding that they were there after all.
Robin: Great. Thank you. Can I ask a further question? When you had your little coaching thing, did that help to find where those elements were?
Glen: Yes. They became more apparent about what the antagonist actually was in the story that I didn’t think existed beforehand.
Igor: Right.
Robin: Often we tell stories unconsciously all the time and often they don’t have simple things like a beginning, middle and end because we’re just starting and we’re relating an experience. Some of our stories have those things explicitly, but they’re always there implicitly and part of the idea of giving you these simple structures is to tighten and focus your storytelling ability, so they pack that extra punch. Thank you.
Glen: One other thing. The awareness and transformation part was probably missing the first time I told it, but the story kind of petered out, but having that in the picture meant there could have been a conclusion to draw from and there was the second time around.
Igor: As a storyteller, how much more satisfying was it telling the story a second time around with the conclusion that the awareness and transformation brings. Then fading it out and going yeah, um.
Glen: That was it. It worked better.
Igor: Excellent, thank you.
Robin: Often stories have a point and we’ll get onto that in a minute. You have a choice about when you’re explicit about that. You’ll notice quite often that I tell stories and I don’t tell you what the point is.
Igor: That’s the point.
Robin: There is one.
Student: When I was telling my story before doing the exercise, I had a clear picture in my mind who the hero was, what the passion was, the antagonist all that and when I retold it the second time, I had a hard time figuring out, am I the hero or is the other person the hero? It was kind of ambiguous at that point. I felt it was fun, now that I had to rethink it, that it could have been either way and how those lines are blurred.
Igor: And you just found one of the secrets of storytelling. The great storytellers don’t have a grab bag of a thousand stories, and even Robin knows more because if you hang out with these people they may only have like 5-10 stories, but they retell them differently each time depending on what is necessary at the time. People used to accuse Erickson of making up his case studies, because every time he told the same story it would be different, so they would say he’s obviously making it up. All he was doing was taking a little bit of artistic license to emphasize elements of a story that would be applicable to the particular audience he’s talking to. That was a very nice bit of realization.
Robin: I’d just like to respond and elaborate on that a little bit. There are some situations in which it’s really useful to change who the hero is and to frame it differently. For example, I put a few videos on my website recently about David Niven, who was one of my favorite storytellers. He was an English actor and gentleman.
He would always make himself the butt of the joke. Quite often if you’re telling a story for comic effect, the hero is actually the butt of the joke and it’s very useful sometimes, if that’s you. Like, sometimes if I want to deliver some feedback to someone about what they’re doing then I will describe a situation in the story but I’ll make sure I’m the loser or I’m the guy who had to learn the lesson, because that means I’m not preaching I’m learning the lesson and they can choose to learn the lesson or not.
Student: We made an interesting discovery, that the story that was told had two heroes, each with their own passion but the antagonist was where the two heroes met. They had the same antagonist and then they went away again. The awareness and transformation were different but that was interesting too. The person who told the story said I don’t know who the hero is and so from the story we got that there were two heroes.
Igor: And you’ve seen lots of stories where that happens. It gets more complex then, but remember, everything we’re putting up here isn’t so much that you must do it this way it’s just food for thought to assist you in making what you have become richer and more pertinent to the situation. Then, in time as we go to the other stories in a moment, to allow you to use the stories that will have the effect and impact that you want. It will be almost artificial. There are some unconscious rules we have and by tweaking the emphasis points we get to have a different effect, which is really where you are right now and what you’re exploring at this point.
Robin: Thank you, it sounds like a fascinating story.
Student: It was very fascinating.
Student: The thing that I found was it gives you, as well as a set of coordinates if you like within the story and allows you to change the emotion within the story. Obviously at certain points you may be going through different experiences in terms of what you’re engendering in that person. So, dare I say it’s sort of fractionation.
Robin: Interesting. Thank you.
Igor: Okay. Yeah.
Student: I just need some clarification regarding passion. What I heard said was, what is your passion for telling the story, but what I heard just now is what is the passion of the hero? Would you clarify that?
Robin: Sometimes they’ll be the same thing. I’d like you to consider though that if a story is a bunch of facts wrapped up in emotion you have to have the emotion that will carry it, the connection. The heart to heart connection that you make with people when you tell a story depends on you having heart and passion. I could tell the story of Tom Cruise in ‘Top Gun’, for example, and there would be conflict and the hero would have passion and all of that, but I don’t have passion for that story. It doesn’t move me or touch my heart. That’s what I’m thinking about when I ask you to consider the passion. It’s how are you going to be moved by this story so that you can emotionally connect with other people, so you can move other people. If you’re moved by it than other people will be. Does that make sense? Does it help clarify?
Student: Yes.
Robin: Thank you.
Student: So basically, the second time I said the story the partner and me realized that my story was actually broken up into two different stories, so I could have very well made it more concise and ended one story at a certain point and then started another topic all together. That’s when I realized that it’s testing if you have these five coordinates, you can extend and make two stories into one entire thing with having that as a final transformation or, you can leave it to that much. I was wondering, how do you decide when is a good time to end your story and keep it as it is?
Igor: Well, one idea is thinking about when your story has had the impact you need it to that’s the point you end it. So, if you could extend it to another story on top of that, will that second story just detract or add to it? Sometimes telling one pithy story initiated in just a few seconds and going on is the perfect thing to do, whereas, other times you may tell story after story after story and all on a similar theme. It depends on how much time you have, context and so on, but for me the main thing is, has it done its job and you have lots of choices about that.
Robin: I’d like to suggest you reflect on what I said earlier about artistry. You have a conscious tool.
Student: I find that when I told my story there’s more than one hero and more than one passion and more than one antagonist, it’s the whole thing but not just one of each and maybe there’s more than one transformation.
Igor: Yes.
Robin: If your story is consistent and powerful than chances are that those individuals, those different heroes, antagonists and heroines have something that unites them, so they’re representative of a higher element in the story. Does that make sense? Does it make sense for the story you’re thinking about?
Student: Not just the story I told but also the stories I heard. They all had more than one hero.
Robin: Did they have more than one character?
Student: They had more than one character.
Robin: Without knowing anymore detail that’s great. There are so many stories I want to hear now.
Igor: Consider one other thing. If you have lots of characters in a story, you can always focus on you may actually have five stories there, like if you have five heroes then you can tell the same story from five different perspectives, having a different story, different emotion and different transformation each time. It’s the same story but it’s not the same story. Of course, I could tell you about being in the Bahamas and inviting an impoverished friend of mine who really needs my help.
Robin: And I can tell a story about what it’s like to have a desperate and lonely friend who needs some company on stage.
Igor: It’s the same story isn’t it? It’s just told from two different points of view. There’s different antagonists. There are different points of transformation. There are different heroes. Robin is quite rightly the hero of his story. I am of course, absolutely correctly the hero of my story. Did that help?
Student: Yes. Just wonder where the cat fits in.
Igor: That cat is its own hero.
Robin: Well, it’s a funny thing about the cat, because I’ve lived in this garden flat for a while now and I’ve actually lived in this neighborhood and in this building for about 5-6 years. The last couple of years I started noticing this cat around and in the last six months it had been hanging around in my back garden basically and shitting there. It doesn’t help that I have white gravel in a large part of my garden, so it looks like an extended cat litter tray.
I love cats as much as I love puppies, but I also love songbirds, frogs and hedgehogs, not compatible with cats. But anyway this cat was hanging around right, and it doesn’t have a collar. It’s really skinny and a bit mangy. One of my friends was round and started stroking the cat and she was like this thing is so skinny it’s practically starving, did you not notice that? What are you doing? How come you’re not feeding this cat was how the story started?
Arthur: I have a different kind of question. I must have had lots of stories in the past and I don’t seem to be able to remember them as well as others who can easily call upon many stories before. Of the stories that I have lots would be interesting, but I tend to forget them and move on to the future, forgetting what’s happened in the past. Some years ago I wrote a book of stories…
Igor: Nice.
Arthur: I was able to remember some of those stories so I could tell those, but just to call up experiences… there must be some way, people are different in how they can remember what’s happened to them.
Igor: Here are a couple things. The first is those “natural storytellers” tell a lot of stories and part of their social skills and how they interact with the world is through storytelling. Because that’s how their minds have adapted to connecting with people, because it’s important to them they’re doing it constantly than they’re constantly looking for more stories, so it’s keeping it fresh. Every time you tell a story it reinforces it so you’ll have it again.
Every time you tell a story as well and you allow it to change, evolve and stuff like that, then you’re basically telling your mind, I need more of this stuff and then it starts becoming more sensitive to remembering it. The exercise we did at the start of this session is a way for you to start collecting some stories and follow that as a model for you to be able to have a long list of stories that will be around whenever you need them. Really, the simplest way to remember a story is to become a storyteller.
Here’s a promise I’ll make and it’s an absolute promise. Most of those stories that you wrote in the book that you should probably call, memories from the forgotten realm, will easily come back to you once you start telling different stories without thinking about it. Just by enjoying them. So the fact that you’re enjoying telling stories tells you you’re in that storytelling stage and when you’re in a storytelling state your mind goes hunting for more because that’s part of its job. Where is it going to look? Among the stories you already have.
Robin: The experience you’re having right now or until you got here is an effective future orientation. It’s a useful orientation to have for someone who wants to get things done in the world. That’s important. The other side of things is it’s probably those offline moments when you’re just daydreaming and as you sleep and dream important things happen. Keep the future focus it’s good.
Student: Something about what I’m hearing, hearing several things that seem, that I relate to a lot. An example is that I find a lot of musicians that I tend to work with in my hometown will start feeling the music as they’re singing it, but the more they sing it the more they focus on the technical side and the technique, they slowly diminish the emotional content of the song bit by bit. I actually notice this a lot in myself too, so part of my journey now is learning how to play and bring that emotion back as I’m playing. I’m also hearing some echoes of that in what I hear others saying where they’re talking about… you were saying it’s your emotional content that you currently are in that you initiate the story from, because without that emotional continuity the story is empty.
Robin: As a musician, when the music works it’s because it becomes a vehicle for the emotional content right?
Student: Right.
Robin: In the process of getting there you practice scales and all this stuff, and what we’re doing with these five different elements is scales, and over the rest of the afternoon and tomorrow you’ll be playing scales on those themes. And yes absolutely, the power and artistry comes when you get that balance of conscious/unconscious. When you let go of having structure… I probably go too far the other way. My conscious mind has nothing to do with much of what happens in my life.
Student: The only thing I wanted to bring out was basically that, just to remind because of my own mistakes I know how easy it is to get trapped in that technical place. I’m hearing technical questions, so I’m offering a reminder based on my own experience focus on the emotional state first because everything else will come after. We’re in hypnotic storytelling and that’s what it’s all about isn’t it?
Robin: That’s a great lesson thank you.
Igor: Yes, it is.
Robin: Let’s take one more question.
Student: I just realized that in my story the transformation was really hard to put my finger on. It’s a story that easily connects with someone who had that kind of experience and I would have a lot of trouble describing all the different layers of transformations that happened when I went through the birth of my child. Would that be a good story to tell someone who has not had that kind of experience or would it be a better vehicle to connect with someone who already has?
Igor: Yes.
Student: Thank you.
Igor: The longer, unconscious version of course is…
Robin: I chose to tell you two stories to introduce myself, one of which was about this master storyteller here, Mercedes, who told me the story of the frame she gave to her son. I told you a story about a present that I gave to my mom. I really wouldn’t have understood what that windmill sitting in the living room meant until I had a daughter. It meant that she really cared about the fact that I bought her a windmill.
Igor: Remember also, some of the stories you tell may be for the future.
Student: I would like some reflection on two things please. The first is something that just came to me when someone else was talking. It was two lines… a song is not a song until you sing it. A story is not a story until you tell it…
Robin: Yes, thank you.
Student: The second thing I want to say is, how about journalists like my sister, who is a journalist, but when she writes her stories I don’t think she looks for these kinds of things, I think she looks for something completely different.
Robin: That would depend on what kind of journalist or paper she’s writing for, partly. Are there any journalists in the room? Quite often the formula is like, say what happened in one sentence at the beginning, say the same thing again in five sentences and then say it all again at the end.
Igor: The thing to bear in mind with journalists, and you have two kinds who could be the same person, there are the pieces that are there just to inform and you make up your own mind and there are the pieces that are designed to influence you to vote one way or the other, to choose one path or another and so on. The ones that are designed to try and influence you will follow this much more than those who are designed just to inform you and you can make of it what you will.
Randy: That’s an important point. I was a journalist in the military. There’s a distinction as you mentioned, between fact giving which is journalism in a way and making a commentary, which is a narrative. What we’re talking about is narrative stories. It occurs to me that the elements or structure of a narrative story like what we’re talking about, typically has the two points, plot point one and plot point two.
So in the beginning of the story, a very small part we introduce the hero or protagonist, we make him rootable, which means we like him and we establish rapport. There’s something about him we like. We see his flaw which makes him more likable and then as he’s going along we see a little bit of his life and then something happens where he’s going one way and in one way he’s going down a different way much faster.
Then two or three things happen where he’s challenged, his success or survival and he uses his strengths to overcome them and then the last challenge which would be plot point two, he’s overcome by the antagonist, who is his foil either an individual or challenge. That foil then brings him to the ultimate where his/her survival is threatened which creates the dynamic tension.
Then, through developing the flaw which is what Ericksonian hypnosis teaches us, through using the weakness becomes the strength and then he overcomes the foil and the story is resolved. That structure, plot point one introduction to plot point two, eventually the threat and in the end resolution. That seems to be the structure you’re teaching us and that would be the distinction between a journalistic point of view and the other.
Igor: Okay.
Robin: What Randy has given you there… that in itself is a concise and condensed version of the very elaborate set of journey points that Joseph Campbell talks about. Thank you. Let’s take a break and as you go for your break I’d like you to mingle as you will, and we’re looking at another classic story. We’ve done emotional and elicitation stories, I want you to think about your ‘who I am’ stories. You heard the examples I gave at the beginning. To make it simple I’ll give you a simple process… think of something that’s important to you, family, hobby, career, place, anything.
Igor: And talk about that.
Robin: Tell a story about it.
Igor: Let’s be back in 15. Thank you.
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