Introduction
Igor: Good morning, everyone. Welcome to the Hypnotic Storytelling for influence seminar. Are you excited? I’m sitting here with my good friend and fellow hypnotist, Robin Manuell. You will come to adore him. He’s hands down one of the best storytellers I’ve ever met. Give him a round of applause.
Robin: Thank you.
Igor: Over the next three days, our job is going to be to show you how easy and how enjoyable it is to find powerful and persuasive stories inside yourself that you can share with your friends, family, work colleagues, clients and so on.
Robin: It’s great being here. As I look around the sea of faces, I’ve spent the last week kind of going out and getting to meet some of you and I realize there are still so many more people that I haven’t had a chance to connect with properly.
When I flew in – how long ago was it? It seems like a million years ago now.
Igor: In your mind.
Robin: Last Friday getting on that plane, as soon as I stepped on the plane and knew that I was leaving life behind, I just could feel my whole body start to relax, because I knew that I was going to be sitting with my friend Igor and spending time with a group of people who – if I don’t know any of you, one thing that I do know about all of you is that you’re dedicated to your own personal development and to your own learning and growth.
Personally, I find being in a room with people with that commitment always very inspiring. It’s been wonderful, I have to say, over the last week and a bit to see clearly just how dedicated Igor is to your learning and the complete focus and attention-
Igor: You know what the next announcement will be, don’t you?
Robin: He has.
Igor: That’s right, all the way now.
Robin: Over the week, I’ve been listening and watching you guys, and I’ve had a chance to connect with you, and I’ve heard so many amazing stories. I’ve laughed at stories of people’s mistakes turned into drama and comedy routines. I’ve had shivers sent down my spine over pictures of grizzly bears, stories of grizzly bears and kangaroos that can kill you with a single punch. I’ve seen the real passion and commitment that some of you have to ideas, to making connections out there with other people and to getting things happening in the world.
I’ve seen the way that you’ve taken your own personal challenges and the lessons that you’ve learned, and not just stopped there but you’ve taken the next step and started to find ways in which you can begin to share what you’ve learned with other people and help them too.
I’ve heard stories of the future, the sound of music and I’ve seen heroic journeys and demonstrations of courage over fear that have made me proud to know you.
One master storyteller in this room told me a story that was so beautiful and resonated so directly with my own immediate experience and where I am in my own life. Standing out there in the lobby, I was moved to tears.
I want to share that story with you because it’s very simple, very powerful and I think it encapsulates in it a really important lesson about how stories add value to the world, and how much of the world we live in right now is built out of those simple stories.
It’s a really simple story. It’s about a wedding gift. It’s about the gift a mother gave to her son for his wedding. After I heard this story, it moved me really profoundly and deeply.
That night as I dreamt, I remembered that I’d been to Holland before. Now I’ve been here a few times as an adult. About 10 years ago, I came to Amsterdam with my girlfriend and her family. That kind of turned into an extended shopping trip. I only have one shopping calorie, so I spent most of the time in a café.
Then before that, when I was about 16, I came here with an orchestra playing trumpet in an orchestra. We went around Holland playing at different venues and places, and that was great.
But then I remembered also when I was nine or 10 years old, I came here on a school trip. Back in those days – I don’t know whether it’s still true – but our
parents and teachers believed that it was important for us to come out. We took a coach trip through Belgium and Holland, and they wanted us to see for ourselves and remember.
They wanted us to stand in fields of blood and fire and witness stretching out as far as the eye could see rows and rows and rows of gravestones, each one a silent witness to a life cut short, young men and women from every country on Earth. We’re older and wiser now and we know that nobody wins that kind of war.
Standing in those fields reflecting on those lives – the lives of people, heroes who came to these shores knowing they probably wouldn’t come back, but they came anyway. It’s a really powerful and important thing for us to do.
That’s what I believe.
But at age nine, I had more pressing worries. You see, before my mom sent me off on holiday, she took me aside and she gave me my pocket money – 13 pounds for the eight-day trip. She said there you go. Don’t spend it all at once.
I remember she said don’t just think of yourself. Think of other people. So, I went off and joined everyone else. I went on the coach and everyone was really excited and chatting, but I soon realized that everyone else has about three times as much money as I have.
When I get to Holland, I realize everything’s really expensive. I’m looking at my money and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the week. The week becomes just a nightmare of anxiety. I’m looking in the gift shops and even back then at age nine I have to say I was quite cynical about consumer tat and tourist rubbish.
I’m looking at stuff and how am I going to afford anything that’s worthwhile?
That next seven or eight days was a torment because every time we’d go to a shop, I’m having to find excuses why no I don’t want a pop, I don’t need an ice cream. I don’t need to buy a souvenir, some silly key ring. Every night I’m going back counting my money, checking in the gift shops – have I got enough money? Will I be able to buy something worthwhile and give everyone a gift that they’ll really appreciate when I get back?
So, the end of the week comes and by this time I’ve spent a few pounds on a packet of crisps when I was really hungry. I bought a key chain or something for my brothers. I finally go into the gift shop. We’d been to see a windmill and I come out with one of those porcelain Dutch-style blue on white bits of tourist tat, but it’s the best I can afford.
I’d managed to save nine pounds of my 13 pounds and I spent it all on this silly little windmill. I take it back and mom goes oh thanks a lot and sticks it on a shelf somewhere.
I wanted to check before we go any further. How many of you here have actually heard the Master Class in Hypnotic Storytelling that Igor and I did about three years ago? Put your hands up. Okay, great. You can catch the master class.
How many of you would consider that yourselves fairly competent storytellers? You’re confident telling stories and you’re happy doing that? Put your hands up. Take a look around everyone. We have models and inspiration in the room.
Igor: The interesting this is that some of those competent storytellers are a little bit shy. I used to tell some stories, I was going no yeah, I can tell stories.
Robin: How many of you have ever felt like any kind of storytelling or let’s say public speaking is really a big cringe-making? Is it so cringe-making that you couldn’t even put your hands up?
Igor: We’ve got one.
Robin: How many of you would identify with being creative and would be happy to say yes I’m a creative person? Excellent. Good. You’re learning. How many of you wouldn’t? Okay, great. I’m going to prove you wrong. I hope you don’t mind.
Igor: How many of you have spent time with friends and just chatted about whatever? One or two of you are lying to me right now. The reason I say that is because when you’re feeling comfortable, when you know the person, they’re your friend, you hang out, you laugh, you share a glass of wine and sometimes one too many, after a while you can only talk about the news so often.
There’s only so much gossip you can catch up on. What do you do with the rest of the time? (You just drink. I know a hypnotherapist that can help you.) If you really think about it, when we are feeling comfortable and we have that close connection with someone, when we get the chance to pause our day-to-day function in the world, every single one of you has very comfortably told stories.
They’ve been funny sometimes. They’ve been sad sometimes. They’ve made you think sometimes. They’ve made you feel a lot of times. I doubt there’s a single person in this room who hasn’t told quite a fulfilling story at one point or another without even realizing it because you are all human beings, and I think storytelling is one of the most fundamental things that we do as people.
We’ve seen it from cave paintings all the way through the Hollywood movie-making machine. This is the reason why I really hope you’ll get a lot out of the next three days here because I think storytelling – hypnotic storytelling in particular – is fundamentally at the heart of that human interaction.
It’s how we store knowledge. It’s how we ensure it doesn’t vanish long after we’ve gone. In fact, you go back in history when kind of Nordic Viking land area going towards Denmark and up further from here, and for the longest time of course the only thing that ensured your immorality was how long your story would be told, so you had to live a life worth telling.
Of course, our attitudes have changed now but really the idea is still there.
People talk about leaving a legacy behind and about doing things for future generations. What they’re really talking about is what stories will be told when I’m gone? Who will remember me?
That memory is really tied into the whole idea of storytelling. It’s also one of the most efficient ways of providing information to someone. There have actually been studies on this that a five-minute story is not only more memorable but the content of the story – the information – is more compact than just the pure data facts, and people actually use it more.
You can tell someone what to do or you can tell them a story. The story will always have a much richer understanding. You’re more likely to get the result that you want from that.
That’s really one of the things that we want to focus on here, which is how do you tell those stories already, which is something you do naturally, but even if you think that you’re not particularly creative and even if you think you’re not particularly good at telling stories, realize that if you are a human being – and I could be mistaken about that part, it’s true, but if you’re fooling me that way, well done.
If you’re a human being, then you fundamentally tell stories. It’s just that you may not recognize the story that you tell as stories because they don’t begin with the phrase once upon a time.
Robin: Think of the first utterances that young children make. Think of a baby drinking milk from a bottle. It empties and she shakes it and goes all gone and then she burps. Is she satisfied? She may be satisfied – all gone – or she may be like angry, frustrated, she may want some more, but that is a story.
Wrapped up in there is a fact. It’s gone. It’s wrapped in an emotion with a call to action. Come on mom, come on dad, because Plan B you will not like.
Igor: Parents, is that not implied threat sometimes?
Robin: Margaret Mead was an English anthropologist. She was married to Gregory Bateson for a while. She famously said never underestimate the power of a small group of people to accomplish great things. That’s the only way anything ever gets done.
Everything around us came into being because somebody had an idea and they told a story with enough conviction and enthusiasm that a group of people decided to come together around that story and make it happen, to put their energy into building it.
Igor: One of the things that we’re going to ask of you over the next few days to make the most out of this is that there are ways you can tell stories that will be of great benefit to you, and there are ways that you’ll not realize all the stories that you have inside you.
The first thing I’m going to ask you to do is to remember this is still an adult learning environment. It’s not school. You don’t have to ask permission for things. You get to experiment with things. Please treat it as such.
That means you have both rights and responsibilities with that as an adult. You have the right to tell all kinds of stories about yourself, about the people around you and so on, but you also have the responsibility to make sure that you’re happy with the consequences of whatever stories you tell.
Let me give you an example of what I mean by that. If you’re a very private person, you have the absolute right to keep that private, but the consequences of that may be that others will find it hard to warm up to you because they don’t know who you are.
How can they know who you are unless they’ve either spent a long time with you – in which case they know your stories without being told them – or you compress all that time into a few stories that they really can understand about you.
You absolutely have the right to keep as much private as you wish. Many of those things will be appropriate, absolutely, but just bear in mind are you happy with the consequence you’re getting?
The flipside is also true. There are some who will basically be an open book, and that’s great up to a point, but there are some stories that you don’t want to be telling everyone because there are consequences you may not like.
A police officer stops you on the road and says what are you doing sir? Well, I had an argument with my wife and I spent the last half hour really thinking I would murder that woman. You don’t mean it. You’re just expressing. You’re venting. Everyone’s done that, right?
However, there are times to vent. There are people that are worth venting with and there are some where you’d think let’s test the relationship first.
Over the course of today we’ll be talking more about that as we get into, but just bear the golden rule in mind.
You’re an adult. You have a lifetime of experiences being with people, so you get to choose how much or how little about yourself you share. Just bear in mind that there are consequences for everything.
If you share too little, you may not make the impact that you want. If you share too much – or should we say too much of the wrong things – again you may not get the impact that you want. Does that make sense to everyone?
Robin: Whether you are interested in learning to tell stories simply so you can kind of improve your conversational skills and meet people…
Igor: Or if you want to do it because you want to use it as a tool in your own practice or business to actually influence people in a positive way…
Robin: You’ll find that everything that you learn over the next few days will have an impact on your ability in therapy.
Igor: And actually as a human being too because it’s something that’s so fundamental in terms of how people communicate.
Robin: I know you are all hypnotists in this room. Is that correct?
Igor: And I suspect most of you have been in a formal trance at one point or another.
Robin: You may feel something…
Igor: Of importance…
Robin: Beginning now.
Igor: And really it doesn’t matter how it starts or where it goes.
Robin: Or whether you close your eyes straightaway.
Igor: Because one way or the other, your unconscious will start to think about all the stories you’ve heard in your life.
Robin: While you prepare now to make the most…
Igor: And really consider…
Robin: Of your learning…
Igor: How you understood those things…
Robin: Over the next three days…
Igor: To be stories…
Robin: Just take a moment…
Igor: That you can respond to…
Robin: To relax…
Igor: Something to learn from…
Robin: And to begin to enjoy…
Igor: Or to take action on…
Robin: Those feelings…
Igor: And who hasn’t been inspired by a story?
Robin: You know you can enjoy.
Igor: Who hasn’t been outraged or charmed by one?
Robin: It’s easy…
Igor: Who has been comforted?
Robin: To realize…
Igor: Warmed…
Robin: You can trust…
Igor: By something heartfelt.
Robin: Yourself now…
Igor: And everyone has the experience…
Robin: Noticing the changing…
Igor: Of recalling events in their lives…
Robin: Sensations…
Igor: And those events…
Robin: As you begin to attend…
Igor: Have a certain significance…
Robin: To only good feelings…
Igor: Importance to you…
Robin: And only those experiences…
Igor: Some…
Robin: Sensations…
Igor: Are important enough…
Robin: That will assist you now…
Igor: To share with others…
Robin: In making the best and really of your learning today…
Igor: Allow them to experience something that you did.
Robin: And if you have any challenges…
Igor: We all have that drive…
Robin: It’s time for you
Igor: To share our inner world with others.
Robin: To just realize, to let them, there’s plenty of time…
Igor: Really enjoy the highlights…
Robin: That you can just sit back…
Igor: And have a really unique experience.
Robin: There’s a path…
Igor: That leads somewhere of importance…
Robin: That you’ll be taking now…
Igor: Because over the next few days there’s so much that you’ve experienced.
Robin: Isn’t there?
Igor: It’s important to know that. There’s an old tale…
Robin: About Truth.
Igor: And she’s standing outside a village…
Robin: And she walks through the village…
Igor: Naked as the day she was born.
Robin: And half the villagers hide away in shame at her nakedness.
Igor: And the other half look on at her beauty.
Robin: And because the way of the world is as it is, some people throw stones and chase her from the village.
Igor: Shouting angry words – how dare you…
Robin: Ashamed and afraid of her nakedness.
Igor: Be this way.
Robin: And in tears, Truth runs from the village. Exhausted she finds a place to sleep…
Igor: And a person comes to her…
Robin: And during the night…
Igor: Discusses things.
Robin: The forest weaves for her.
Igor: And lets her realize…
Robin: From her dreams…
Igor: That there is another way…
Robin: From the branches and the thinnest roots of the forest…
Igor: To be yourself…
Robin: From the dew-hung gossamer threads…
Igor: And not be recognized…
Robin: … that coats its branches, a cloak of story…
Igor: In the same way.
Robin: … And the next morning…
Igor: Wearing that cloak…
Robin: She walks unseen and unnoticed…
Igor: Through the village. People do not recognize her but they all greet her like an old friend.
Robin: Now it’s time…
Igor: To really do something with all this because we can wax lyrical about why we like to tell stories, or we won’t.
Robin: You might notice that.
Igor: Yes, and there will be much more waxing as we go along. Wax on, wax off.
That is not a story, is it? Really it’s not so much about what we do in terms of our storytelling or anything like that. What really matters is what you do when you leave here so that you appreciate that you can tell stories.
Robin: I’m probably right in thinking that even though you’ve spent so much time together, would it be correct to say that there are probably people in this room who you still haven’t met? There are probably still people in this room who if you have met, you haven’t actually spent much time with them or done exercises with them.
Igor: Of course, there are a whole bunch of new people who have arrived. If you look around you’ll notice that they weren’t here before. What’s this other person doing in this room? That’s because you’re right. There are new people in this room, it’s not a hallucination.
What do we do when we meet people that we don’t know yet? You introduce yourselves, right? We ask questions like: hello, who are you? What do you do? Why are you here? This kind of standard stuff and these are important things to discuss with people. However…
Robin: We don’t want you to do that.
Igor: In this way.
Robin: We want you to do it, but we want you to do it in a story.
Igor: The gossamer veil of storytelling is something you can really share with people. So you can hear all this information in a short little anecdote that says to people, who are you? If that’s as simple as your name that’s fine.
Robin: There’s an important element about this anecdote. We’d like you to lie quite a lot.
Igor: Oh yeah. It doesn’t have to be the gospel truth it can just be a half truth or a complete lie.
Robin: Shall we give them an example?
Igor: This is a bad example, just because it’s actually more true than not, but I’ll use it. At the last seminar I was in the Bahamas teaching business skills to hypnotherapists. Of course Robin is a good friend of mine and I thought, you know, Robin really deserves a break. He’s a phenomenal hypnotic storyteller and he really should be able to build this massive business for himself. I think it will be good for him to come experience this business training, so I called him up and said come on over, join us there.
Robin: Yes. What actually happened, I was at home and Igor called me from the Bahamas and he sounded a bit desperate. Maybe a little lonely and he said, please, please come out to the Bahamas. I said you know well, I’m busy, there’s a crazy cat next door, the neighborhood cat. He’s going to be lonely without me.
Those tomato plants don’t water themselves, you know. Eventually, he said please, please come I really need you. So I got on a plane and went out to the Bahamas and it was great to see him.
Igor: It was fun seeing Robin. When he turned up he said, thank you so much Igor for this opportunity. I respect…
Do you get the idea?
Robin: Keep going.
Igor: I’ll be there in a minute. I laugh, but it was a very sad time.
Robin: [Laughter] So, I got to the Bahamas and it was wonderful to be there with everyone. We were having such a great time and I think Igor was just so pleased to see me, his little face lit up like a little boy’s, he was just so pleased.
Igor: So, you know, we got towards the end of the training and clearly Robin was impressed. You could see himself using those wonderful skills we develop for people and really making a life for himself at last.
Robin: But I just sensed that there was something missing and halfway through the seminar Igor came up to me and said Robin, I’ve missed training with you. It’s been 8-9 years now and I just can’t find a co-trainer who can cut the mustard.
When you’ve had champagne, sparkling wine just doesn’t taste the same.
Igor: So of course Robin comes up to me at the end and says, I really would love to do a storytelling event with you, you’re a clear and masterful trainer and there’s so much I could learn from you.
Robin: So, I mean, I was really reluctant but in the end I said Igor get up, let go of my jacket you’re embarrassing yourself. Okay, I’ll do a training with you, all right.
Igor: It was fortunate because my heart goes out to his daughter.
Robin: Yeah, my poor daughter.
Igor: Yeah. She should be proud of her father shouldn’t she? So I figured what better than to invite him on my stage and he can show the family a snap and say look, I did share a stage with Igor. I like to think of myself as being humble, enough to be able to help out a fellow human being who’s going through a rough patch.
Robin: So yeah, basically I figured at least if I was here than he couldn’t steal my ideas and pass them off as his own, like he has before.
Igor: I reminded Robin, because he got a bit nervous about this whole idea of being in front of 150 people, so I reminded him look, it doesn’t matter Robin, I’ve done this before and I’ll prepare it all. I’ll carry you. Just turn up and share a couple stories that’s all you have to do. Don’t think about it too much for now.
Robin: It was so lucky that he had me over here for a week, because he was so busy with preparing the whole Ericksonian thing and he was a bit ill, so he really hasn’t had enough time to do anything and I’ve been obviously listening to you all and preparing so much stuff. I mean, I’m not really sure we’ll have time to get it all out. I just hope Igor shuts up for long enough to let me give you some of the best stuff. Hey, if he doesn’t then you can always go to Robinmanuell.com
Igor: So, there are many ways you can answer those three questions aren’t there?
We’ll do an exercise now where you’ll get up and you’ll have an opportunity to meet everyone in the room. However, I would like for none of you to ask a single question, and for all of you to get answers to all these three things, just in terms of the stories you’re being told. Does that make sense?
Guest: No.
Igor: Very good. We’re going to start that again are we? So tell a story, any story, as outrageous as you like, it doesn’t have to be true.
Robin: It’s okay, you can make sense or you can make nonsense.
Igor: The only thing the story has to revolve around is a sense of who you are, that could just be your name, like Robin saying Igor thank you so much for letting me come here this week.
Robin: You are my inspiration.
Igor: You’re welcome. What do you do? We teach seminars. What do you do? Why are you here? Clearly I’m helping out his daughter to have a father she can be proud of. What are you doing here, Robin?
Robin: I’m rethinking that right now. I’ll get back to you.
Igor: Do you understand the exercise? Keep the stories short, but outrageous. Let’s take 7 minutes, that should be enough time for everyone to meet everyone right? So you have 7 minutes and I’d like for you to gather the stories of every person in this room that you can get. The more stories you gather the more brownie points you get.
Guests: Whoa.
Igor: I know, and brownie points means? Nothing at all. Everyone stand up and let’s start now. [Exercise starts]
Johari Window
Robin: Welcome back. I thought I’d use a diagram. It’s the only one you’ll see for the next three days.
Gabe: What is it?
Robin: It’s called the Johari Window, Gabe. Has anyone come across that before? I know Randy has. Rita. Dennis.
On the vertical axis we have… known by others, what other people know about you and on the horizontal axis we have… what you know about yourself. On the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, there were three inscriptions in fact, and the first one said… Know thyself… It seems to me we’re all on a journey through our lives and part of that journey is discovering who we are.
There are three ways, I think, that we come to know ourselves. First, through our behavior, through time. We find ourselves in new situations, we behave a certain way and we see ourselves behaving like that and make conclusions about ourselves from it.
People tell us things about ourselves and we tell other people, we share things about ourselves with other people. This area in the quadrant here, the public arena is sometimes called the area of freedom, the area of choice, because it’s the space in which I know what you want, you know what I want.
We’re free to play whatever roles we’re playing. We know what the script is, there are no hidden agendas.
The way information gets into that area is through these processes of feedback and disclosure. We hear things from other people and we tell people things about ourselves, and you always get to choose who. You’re responsible for that. In a really important way, who we choose to receive feedback from determines our reality.
You’ve probably got friends who, of course nobody in this room, will hear some stories, they’ll hear some things about themselves and others they will block it out, to the extent sometimes that they’ll go choose other friends when they hear things they don’t want to hear.
I’ve realized that those two arrows… see that blind spot, that area; I’ve called it the flaws. That’s the bad breath area.
Nobody likes to hear that they have bad breath, but they probably want to know. If you think about the heroes that you’ve resonated with in fiction in movies, they have flaws. If they were perfect they’d be plastic. They’d have no struggle. We wouldn’t be able to identify with them. We need our flaws.
Heroes need flaws.
In that area, those things that you don’t know about yourself that other people know, other people always know in a really important way so much more about us than we do. They know things we’ll never know, and that’s not just our faults it’s our gifts too. Other people recognize the gifts we have.
Sometimes it’s important that they tell us. Sometimes I think people like us because of our flaws, not in spite of them.
In that hidden area, I’ve called that the mask. That’s the stuff I know about myself, but in order to play certain roles in business, in our social lives think about it. Has anyone here been on a date? We all put on a mask. We show our best face. At work there are certain things we’re happy talking about and other things we hide behind. It’s important that we do that because you know what, there are some people we can’t trust. There are some people who won’t understand and aren’t ready to allow us to be fully authentically who they are, because that would challenge them to do the same thing. That’s okay. That area in the other corner, I just called that the manifest, nobody knows that yet. I don’t know it. You don’t know it. In exploring doing some things differently over the next few days, some of that space will become manifest.
You’ll discover something more about yourself. I wanted to present this to you simply because I think the reason that stops many people sharing and engaging with people on this level, is that fear of telling too much.
How are people going to take this?
What are they going to think about me?
There’s a story though that I think relates both to the process of feedback and disclosure that I’ll tell you quickly. It’s an absolutely true story. Most of the stories that I tell you about myself using the word ‘I’ will be true. Some of the stories that I tell you about other people will also be true, and about me. It’s amazing the freedom you can get from simply making the story about somebody else, changing the details, change the gender, the location and the name.
Suddenly you’re free because it’s not about you anymore. You’ve put the cloak of story around yourself and you can talk freely and find the truth. You can convey the emotional truth of the story without compromising your safety. I was at the vispassna meditation workshop, anybody ever heard of it, any kind of Buddhist meditation? This was like a noble silent retreat.
For 10 days we’d get up at 5:00 o’clock in the morning meditate and have breakfast. Meditate some more, eat lunch, meditate, have a glass of juice, meditate some more and go to bed. Wake up at 5:00 the next morning, meditate, have some breakfast. Meditate have some lunch. Meditate some more, glass of water. Meditate sleep. Get the picture?
It’s noble silent so you can’t talk to anyone. On the first day there’s this guy, this young man at this workshop and I immediately get a little bit of a thing, I don’t like him. There’s something about him that seems stuck up to me, a little bit arrogant. He’s also dating the best looking girl at the seminar. I don’t know that that had anything to do with it. I’m watching this guy and thinking, asshole.
So we’re meditating and going through the week, all kinds of experiences, revelations and so on. About the middle of the seminar, I’m looking out over the exercise yard… this place is in the UK on the England/Welsh border and you can walk round this exercise yard and look out over the fields and hills into Wales one way and Shropshire the other… and there’s this guy standing in the center of the exercise yard.
He’s doing some warm-ups. I’m standing there going… phone rings hi yeah I’m busy now can I call you back. Just joking, it’s an alarm… I’m thinking and then it hits me, sudden revelation. It’s me. He’s like I am. That’s the kind of thing I would do. Just do a bit of warm-up, stretches, it’s me. I’m looking at myself and getting annoyed.
I’m looking at myself and thinking, what an a-hole. What an arrogant stuck up guy that is. I’m shaking my head, it’s a great epiphany. It’s fantastic. This is the reason you come to a course like this. This is the reason you do a 10 day noble silent retreat is to have these kinds of revelations.
The great thing, the thing that made it for me was that on the last day guess who the first person to come up to me was? This guy. He comes up to me and says you know what, I really didn’t like you at first but then I realized you were me.
On that note and before you do the next exercise, because there’s something I didn’t tell you. I went home with that windmill, put it on the shelf and didn’t really think about it since. This was how long ago? Thirty some years. I forgot about it really. It wasn’t until that master of storytelling whose in this room right now, told me a story about the gift she gave to her son that I remembered something important.
I realized something important and probably wouldn’t have realized it actually, if I hadn’t, in the last couple of years become a dad. If you go to my mom and dad’s house my mom has got to where she’s collected all kinds of China plates, thimble collection worth thousands of pounds, China teapots and all kinds of things. There in the cabinet in the living room in pride of place with her thimble collection, is that windmill.
So, the story I was told was about a wedding gift that a mother gave to her son. If you’d see that gift it doesn’t have any intrinsic value it’s a simple print, framed, don’t know how much the frame was worth but if you saw it in a thrift sale or charity shop you’d probably pass it over, but when you hear the story attached to it you’ll realize why that gift was priceless, where it was worth all the Mona Lisa’s and Rodin’s and all the famous paintings in the galleries in all the world put together.
It was a print of her son’s hand at age 5. She’d been playing when her son when he was five years old. She’s taken a print of his hand and told him she was going to save it for him. She’d kept it as he grew up, went to school all the way through exams and education and when he got married she gave it back to him.
Something that has very little material value can be made infinitely precious by the story you wrap around it. This is what brands like Nike and Coca Cola do. They do not sell you fizzy sugary water, they sell you a dream and when you buy their product you buy into their dream.
Now, a quick exercise. What I’d like you to do is to consider when you have heard stories from people it might have been a personal story or that you heard something from a leader at work or a great speaker, or it might be a more personal thing.
When you heard a story where somebody disclosed something about themselves that made you feel more connected to them, that made you feel motivated to help them, to respond, that helped you buy into their story and conversely when somebody told you something that put you off. That made you think you know what, I’m not playing, because the power of vulnerability is incredible.
Being prepared to take a risk, to reveal something about yourself is one of the most powerful things you can do as a storyteller. It’s a risky strategy but guess what, people like heroes who take a risk and get through. People like to know that you are a human being. Before they do business with you in any way they need to connect with you as a human being.
So you know what you have to do? Again, mingle and try to talk with three or four people. Share some experiences. I’ll tell you to come back in 5-10 minutes. Thank you. Go. [Exercise started]
Exercise Debrief
Igor: All right guys, how did that go? Did you enjoy it? Are you enjoying the stories that are coming out? Here’s a question for you. What kinds of things did you experience or did they tell you about that were off-pudding, in terms of people sharing too much or the wrong sort of things? What kinds of experiences were coming out?
Student: I just love this story and I never really knew what it was an example of, but it was my biology teacher in fifth grade when he started to tell us, I didn’t know he was making a reference to something, he said and you know this is just like that when you are a young boy and you’re laying on your bed and trying to piss so hard that it reaches the ceiling.
[Great laughter]
I couldn’t really connect with that.
Igor: That would do it. There are whole levels of wrong on that one.
Student: I can’t make such a nice story, but the experiences that when you try to be agitated at first in the exercise that you try to get irritated by what the others are saying, but nevertheless you try to find connections. That’s what I noticed and that you’re feeling what they feel and your experience and nevertheless relate to them.
Igor: The exercise wasn’t so much to try and irritate someone else although I guess we could go down that road if we want to. The point of the exercise is this.
You can clearly tell the difference between the kinds of stories that people have told you when you’ve warmed up to them. And you can tell the kinds of stories that people have told you that made you take a second look and go yeah, maybe I’ll start keeping my distance now. I think biology may not be the most important thing in my academic career.
To see that there are some common themes there, there’s something about a social context isn’t there? There’s something about the violation of a social contract in this particular example that was unpleasant and on the flip side on the warmer stories, there is something that fits that social context. Or, it brings an expectation, if you expect someone to be cold or less pleasant that somehow they were willing to be vulnerable, there is something which was very charming about that.
Robin: Who would like to share some examples of those kinds of stories, those that warm people up?
Arthur: I would just say that I found the exercise difficult and I couldn’t think of anything to say. I couldn’t think of any story except, I could have given a litany of things, but I couldn’t really think of any stories and I tend to listen.
Robin: I’m a little confused because you said you could have given a litany of stories and you couldn’t think of anything to say.
Arthur: I couldn’t give a litany of stories, I could have given a litany of things I’ve done in my past but I couldn’t really give any stories that would introduce me.
Igor: The first thing I would say is that’s actually a very nice story. That honesty, refreshed honesty… I was trying to get a story but I couldn’t quite get one that would say anything… I’d rather listen. Doesn’t that help you understand who Arthur is a bit more?
Robin: I was running a training a while back and I asked people to go away and come up with five stories from their past that they could use in the exercise. This guy comes up to me and says, do you know what it’s like when somebody puts you on the spot like that and you can’t think of anything to say? I said great, now what’s your second story?
I think also it’s important to note that some of you do prefer to listen and watch.
Igor: That’s going to be an important skill we will be developing. In fact, you’ll find stories you didn’t know you had by doing exactly that, but we’ll refine that as we get across that segment.
Robin: Each of you has a particular style, a particular kind of presence that you’ve developed over the years and that’s who you are. That’s great. We want you to keep that. Put your hands together like this… this isn’t the first stage in a stage hypnosis show…
Igor: … but if you really want to glue them together, glue them together.
Robin: Now just swap the thumbs around so they’re intertwined the other way. Does that feel weird? It should feel strange, because it’s different. Now if you do that a few times over the course of the day you’ll find it starts to feel normal.
So expect to feel a little bit of that strangeness over the next few days and remember that you can always go back to holding your hands like this.
Igor: The reason I say of importance really goes back to the very charming story Arthur just shared with us. The reason that’s important is because like many other things in life we undervalue things we’re good at. There’ll be a lot of stories that you’re telling naturally and there are great stories and people will be charmed by them.
It’s just they’re so natural to you; you don’t realize that they’re there. One of our jobs will be to find them and how to appreciate those stories that are there, because it may feel odd at first but that’s where your natural storyteller lives. Until you can appreciate that, something as simple as saying, I was doing this exercise and I was meant to tell a story and I found it difficult. They give me all these things I could do and I prefer to listen, you know what I mean?
In how many cocktail parties would someone get a sense of like yeah, I like this guy Arthur he’s nice. I hang out with him. In fact, if nothing else I can vent. So thank you for that Arthur, I appreciate that.
A couple more feedbacks now.
Student: I found while doing the exercise that one of the stories I had to tell was about a fellow who I know and he’s very big on stories himself. He always has stories of everything, his childhood and all these things. You really warm up to him and feel quite comfortable with him, and feel you can tell him anything because he’s told you all sorts of things. Then you realize that that’s a different story for the scar on his hand and that wrecks it.
Igor: That’s something we will also be addressing which is, very importantly, there’s a cloak of story which allows you to reveal very personal things in a way that won’t be harmful to yourself. But there’s a balancing act which is, how much truth is in your stories?
Let’s put it this way, there are two kinds of stories.
1. Stories that are clearly just a story that people get entertained by, but actually have a lot of you in them.
2. Stories that are supposed to be about you, but if they didn’t actually occur to you people get upset by it.
There’s a famous storyteller, Doug Lipman, who tells a story about a story that he told. He gets hired by storytelling events at schools or talks or whatever and he tells a story about how he’ll sit there and he knows what kind of event it is so he’ll tell different stories at a bar mitzvah than he will at a social place or whatever.
He’ll start the story saying, these are just stories this didn’t happen to me, but I’m taking some artistic license to present it in a particular way for the story.
He says it up front as clearly and lucidly as this. Then he tells the story like, when I was a boy this happened and that and people get so sucked into the story, they get so emotional about the story that at the end they come up and say I’m so sorry this happened to you.
That was a terrible thing and something similar happened to me once as well. He has to apologize and say look I’m sorry, but I need to remind you that this wasn’t something that happened to me it’s just a story I made up and presented in a particular way for the artistry of it. People get so annoyed with him.
Because, whilst you can vale some things about yourself in a particular story, if they think it’s about you or if you presented it as though it’s about you and you get them too emotional about it. This is one of the fundamental ways we get to know people and if you tell a story about yourself, a scar where the story changes then you don’t know the person and you don’t know if you can trust them.
So it’s an important lesson to figure out. When do you double wrap a cloak or story so it has a lot of personal stuff, but is presented in a way that’s safe for you and when don’t you? Does that make sense? So thank you for that that’s a very important thing.
We’ll have a couple quick ones still and then do an exercise.
Student: I found that some of my stories, even if it was the same story when I shared it with different people, it didn’t feel the same. Some of them actually enthused and excited me, so I’m feeding off their feedback and I get more details into it and then other times it’s just like I think I’m telling the wrong story. How do I get out of this?
Igor: You know what, imagine the story… we will come onto that so thank you for sharing.
Robin: I think that’s really important and we will be showing you ways in which you can encourage other people to tell their stories.
Pamela: What I noticed about the storytelling was that, for example, when Robin started to tell his story and I was sitting in my chair. Before he got to the lady and what she did, something about frames, I was seeing an image in my mind of a round plaster thing that I had for 55 years that sits beside my bed. I tell myself a story in France if my house was on fire what would I take from the house. It’s only that that I would take. It’s a handprint that I did in Vacation Bible School that I have of me.
That’s nice and what I noticed in each of the stories that I listened to, was that there would come a moment and someone would say something and for me it’s like a gear shifting, tumblers tumbling together. My sister was getting ready to be homeless on the verge of my arrival here and someone told me they were homeless. I was sharing a room and someone told me they were sharing a room. It was very nice, very interesting.
Igor: That’s a powerful way for people to bond, over stories like that, isn’t it? We have a lifetime and in that lifetime you have something called a human experience, unless you’re a cyborg from 2048 who’s come here to destroy me.
But Robin… we collect these stories and because we’re all human beings we all have similar things. They may not be the exact same story but we have loss, grief, happiness and we get stuck at a point when we don’t know what to do. That’s one of the levels in which we fundamentally bond with each other.
Thank you for sharing that because that’s going to be an important thing.
Robin: Pamela, that tumbler moment, what was it can you say a little more about that?
Pamela: I don’t know exactly how to tell it. It happens to me a lot. It’s some kind of experience I have where everything is whole or something is connected. It happens to me a lot.
Robin: Okay. So it’s the feeling of suddenly feeling connected.
Pamela: Yes, it goes together. Like the gears are not grinding.
Robin: Thank you. Before you go can I ask you one more question? The handprint that you keep with you. Why?
Pamela: Well, the actual reason I keep it is because I think it’s a 5-year old who’s still talking to me.
Robin: Thank you very much for sharing.
Igor: Thank you.
Robin: I’d like to suggest just how such a simple thing contains within it the seeds of so many different stories and ways of connecting to other people on a heart to heart level.
Igor: We have an exercise, in three parts. I’ll describe all three parts and then we’ll do it is that okay? The first part will be very easy. It will involve you standing up and moving all the chairs to one side. The second part will be quite enjoyable because it involves taking a 15 minute break. The third part is what occurs during that 15 minute break.
You will tell each other some stories. Now, bear in mind all the things we’ve heard here, the challenge is this. I would like you to include within those stories, one that’s about someone else that actually was really you or about generally someone else or maybe about someone that is a figment of your imagination.
Robin: We’re asking you to draw the veil and use the cloak of story.
Igor: The thing is, they’ll never know if you’re telling a story about your friend, John or Jane, whether you’re talking about yourself or you’re talking about your friend or something…
Robin: They won’t know whether that was a real person, male or female.
Igor: It could be a figment of your imagination that actually just conveys some important information, something that you find important even though it never occurred in the world you’ve lived in. Does the exercise make sense to you all?
Robin: And just one final thing, if you think back to that Johari window that I mentioned earlier, that the people you choose to listen to and seek out help to determine your reality.
One of the things I did for myself this week, because I started to notice early on that I have preferences. There are certain people I’m attracted to first, that I go speak to. If I’m not careful I get locked into that group of people and that click, so I’ve been trying to stretch myself over the last few days and actually go reach out to those people I haven’t connected with to see what happens.
Igor: Let’s be back in 15 minutes. [break]
Storytelling Games
Igor: All right, a very quick exercise.
Robin: Yes. We’re going to mingle and do something really simple, step-by-step. You can all clap can’t you?
Igor: Off you go.
Robin: Find a partner. I’m going to tell you to change partners while you’re doing it, but go and find somebody now.
That’s great, and you can all say a random word out of the top of your head can’t you? Fish.
Igor: Fingers.
Robin: Cheese.
Igor: Toast.
Robin: Purple.
Igor: Milton.
Robin: Great, it’s coming back. Now what I’d like you to do is fish clap…
Igor: Fingers clap…
Robin: Loopy clap…
Igor: Dog clap…
Robin: Cat clap…
Igor: Eight clap…
Robin: Nine clap…
Igor: Ten clap…
Robin: That one can run and run.
Igor: Easy.
Group: Yes.
Igor/Robin: Go. [Exercise starts]
Igor: Excellent. Very good. Was that fun?
Group: Yes.
Igor: Was that easy?
Group: Yes.
Igor: The next one is going to be at an even faster pace. You’ll be moving around all the different people in the room. It’s like a mingling exercise, you’re going to meet them and all you’re going to do is, as soon as you meet someone you’ll ask them… what do you see?
Robin: I see a blue dolphin.
Igor: Done. Then he’ll ask me.
Robin: What do you see?
Igor: An orange. Off you go [exercise started]
Who’s having fun, anyone?
Group: Yes.
Igor: Which hands haven’t been up yet? A very simple thing. Now, all we’re going to do is the same exercise but essentially you’ll come up to someone and say, I have a box, you pour something out, ask them what is this?
Robin: Oh my God, thank you just what I’ve always wanted, a little puppy.
Igor: Now, so far that’s pretty much you’ve done but you’re going to add something. You’re going to take the puppy from him. The key is you present something and they’ll tell you what it is and you’ll take it from them and say that’s right it is a puppy, where does it belong?
Robin: There.
Igor: Thank you very much, and that’s where I put it. Then he will do the same to me.
Robin: Look a magic box.
Igor: Oh it’s a book. It’s a wonderful book of magic.
Robin: It is it’s a magic book. Where does it belong?
Igor: On the table. Easy?
Group: Yes.
Igor: Off you go. [Exercise begins]
Robin: You can all spin round can’t you?
Igor: Everyone can turn in a circle, show me? Just once will do you don’t have to go crazy on this one.
Robin: So that nobody comes to any physical harm I’d just like to give you a little bit of coaching. Find a spot on the wall in front of you, spin round and look at it again. [Go]
I know you’re thinking, how could this possibly help? Believe me it’s a mind/body thing.
Igor: It is.
Robin: Your unconscious mind and your body are spinning into strange worlds.
Igor: Strange new worlds.
Robin: What I’d like you to do is to get with a partner and taking turns, spin round, open your eyes and begin describing a place that has never existed before you imagined it. Understand?
Igor: Importantly, as the coach is doing the spinning, when they describe it, acknowledge it and start seeing it with them. Would you like to have a quick demonstration of that?
Group: Yes.
Igor: Do you want to be the coach?
Robin: Let’s do both.
Igor: Fine, be that way.
Robin: Spins.
Igor: What do you see?
Robin: Oh, I see a corn field stretching out in front of me.
Igor: There is a corn field, what else happens?
Robin: There’s a sun, it’s like blood red. It’s coming up above the corn.
Igor: So there’s a sun and a corn field, what else do you see?
Robin: I see crows flying across.
Igor: Where are they going?
Robin: They’re going to that castle on the hill over there.
Igor: Wonderful. One way around.
[Spins]
Robin: What do you see?
Igor: I see a tall mountain with a castle on top.
Robin: Yes, I see it too. What else do you see?
Igor: I see a fire signal on the top of the mountain, it’s a castle thing and there are people with bows and arrows.
Robin: Wow, there is a fire signaling and there’s people with bows and arrows. Who are they signaling to?
Igor: They were shooting you.
Robin: Why thank you, you saved my life.
[Exercise starts]
Robin: So, a simple exercise right? Don’t get attached to things. When we ask you to change partners, even if you’re in the middle of a story, let it go and move on to the next one.
Igor: You see, you have an immense capacity for creativity, so why on earth would you get stuck on something that’s already passé?
Robin: So, a few extra little questions. What were we using, the word?
Igor: Coach and imagineer.
Robin: An imagineer, what a fantastic word. We’re all imagineers… fantastic.
Igor: Unless we’re coaches.
Robin: Some coaching questions.
→ What can you see?
→ What else can you see?
→ What can you hear?
→ What can you feel?
Think about sensory modalities from your hypnotic and NLP background.
Some of you will understand that. We want to build some rich sensory descriptions.
→
→
What about the details what colors can they see?
What textures can they see?
What shapes can they see?
What temperature is it?
Is there a wind?
Some other questions…
→ What’s that like?
Go [Exercise starts]
Igor: All right, good. So, a strange new world. Now what you’re going to do as a coach, you’re going to do something into that scene that is totally irrelevant and random that’s going to throw them for a loop. Would you like to see an example?
Robin: Incongruence.
Igor: Okay Mr. Imagineer turn, turn and tell me about the world you see.
Robin: I see a little puddle.
Igor: What is the puddle like?
Robin: It’s kind of, oh there’s a little puppy.
Igor: There’s a puppy in the puddle.
Robin: I think the puppy made the puddle.
Igor: There is a tank in here, where is it?
Robin: Oh my God, there’s a tank coming around the corner just there and it’s bearing…
Igor: What’s happening?
Robin: … it’s bearing down towards the puppy.
Igor: Do you get it?
Group: Yes.
Igor: —
Robin: Go [Exercise starts]
As you’re doing these exercises you may be noticing that some things make it easier and some things make it harder. Some experiences feel one way and some feel the other. Keep those in mind as we’re going along.
What I’d like you to do this time we’re looking the coach and imagineer distinction here. Now, you’re both imagineers.
Igor: On a voyage of discovery.
Robin: Taking it in turns.
Igor: To find things inside each other’s minds.
Robin: So, for example…
Igor: Oh my God it’s beautiful. It’s a crystal palace. There are icicles hanging down, but they look like jewels.
Robin: That’s right, I can see a crystal palace full of jewels and there in front of us is an orchestra.
Igor: And it’s playing the most beautiful Viennese waltz. There are people dancing in long slow lazy circles.
Robin: And suddenly over there, through the door walks the most beautiful puppy I’ve ever seen.
Get the idea?
Igor: —
Robin: Go [Exercise started]
So you can see we’re moving into co-creation now, and we’re going to continue with this phase. What I’d like you to work on is maintaining relevance. I broke the frame there with the puppy didn’t I? Maintain relevance and see how small you can make each move and each offering. In improvisation, we call each of your moves a gift.
When you imagine something in front of you and share it with someone, you’re offering them a gift and I’d like you to see how small you can make the gift, and it still be relevant and logical within the frame of the world you’re creating together.
Igor: So as an example, if Robin were to spin in a circle, he might describe a particular scene.
Robin: It’s an office.
Igor: Yes it is an office and I see a secretary sitting by a telephone over there.
Robin: I can see the secretary with the telephone and she’s just about to make a call.
Igor: She picks up the phone and has a very unhappy expression on her face.
Robin: She pauses…
Igor: Thank you. … to compose herself as a little tear starts in the corner of her eye.
I think she might be talking to an ex-lover.
Do you get the exercise?
Robin: She puts the phone down.
Igor: Oh of course, how silly, I apologize I forgot that it wasn’t the end yet because…
Robin: She puts the phone down…
Igor: She puts the phone down and she grabs her stuff and hangs her head as she slowly walks out of the office.
Robin:—
Igor: Take it away. [Exercise starts]
Group: Yes.
Igor: Good. Who’s finding themselves getting more creative they’re not having to really think about it too much, it’s just enjoyable? This is the essence of their creativity in storytelling. For example, A…
Robin: Woman.
Igor: Leaves her office.
Robin: And…
Igor: Her….
Robin: Desk…
Igor: Is bare. The…
Robin: Puppy…
Igor: She…
Robin: Rescued…
Igor: From…
Robin: In front…
Igor: Of…
Robin: The…
Who’s having fun, yes?
Igor: Office…
Robin: Comes…
Igor: And…
Robin: Comforts…
Igor: Her… (My go?)
Robin: They know what to do don’t they?
Group: Yes.
Igor: One cycle that satisfies and move on to someone else please. Off you go.
[Exercise starts]
—-
Robin:
Igor:
—-
Robin:
Igor:
—-
Same exercise… one word at a time, except this time I’d like you to get into groups of three and one extra rule, if at any point you don’t like, for whatever reason, the way it’s going your next word is ‘discard’ and the next person starts again. With a fresh story that has nothing to do with the one that came before. One warning folks, when we say you don’t like the way it’s going. In other words, something about the story isn’t pleasing to you, if you merely don’t know what to say next that is not a reason for it. [Exercise starts]
Very good. Some of you are already doing this I notice. Same exercise except this time make sure you’re actually looking at your partners and seeing whether they’re pleased, whether it’s working.
Off you go. [Exercise starts]
Who’s having fun? Is it good?
Group: Yes.
Igor: Excellent. All right. So this time I’d like you to get into groups of between three and five people. Same exercise, you’re still going around on the same stories and you really want to see how the other people are responding, because that will determine how well the story is going to go. For this next exercise, do not change partners once you’re in the group. You can change stories by discarding them, but not partners.
Off you go. [Exercise starts]
—
Stay in the groups you’re in and you’ll carry on the same exercise, only all of you need to be twice as fast. Off you go [Exercise starts]
—
Robin: So, what I’d like you to do now is get back into pairs and, you know, essentially what the exercise is except you have three words at a time or more.
Igor: The main idea is you present about half a sentence but do not complete the sentence, that’s their job.
Robin: So, for example, you could…
Igor: Begin in the middle of a story where there’s a puppy.
Robin: And that little puppy…
Igor: Likes to pee on floors, because…
Robin: He hasn’t been trained properly.
Igor: But, his owner has a plan. You see,
Robin: She knows that if…
Igor: She gets the treats out and then she lays them…
Robin: Down in a trail all the way…
Igor: To the backdoor…
Robin: Then…
Igor: The puppy will follow it and…
Robin: Take it outside.
Igor: — Off you go. [Exercise starts]
For the next exercise.
Robin: What we’d like you to do.
Igor: Is get into groups of five.
Robin: And each of you.
Igor: Will take a turn to stand in the middle of that group.
Robin: And spin round.
Igor: And describe the strange new world that you’ve discovered.
Robin: For one minute.
Igor: Exactly 60 seconds.
Robin: And
Igor: Then.
Robin: You’re
Igor: Please…
Robin: And your job as you’re listening.
Igor: Is to just give loud enthusiastic approval.
Robin: To everything
Igor: That they say. (Groups of five, off you go) We’ll tell you when the minute is up. [Exercise starts]
—-
Okay guys so, it’s a fun place to be in the middle isn’t it, when people are cheering, clapping and so on? So this time we’ll have the same kind of energy, the same kind of enthusiasm only, stay in the same groups because it’ll be easier for you this time. The person in the middle will carry on in describing the strange new world, except the people around you, if they like what you’re saying will be over enthusiastic.
If it’s not pleasing to them they’ll look sad. It’s important that you don’t get stirred up, just really sad. Everyone show me a sad face. Some of you are way too happy people, be sad. Whenever you see the awe thing going on, best change track quickly, because you only have 60 seconds in this game. Do you understand the exercise? Same groups.
[Exercise starts]
—-
Robin: Okay, how are you doing? Right. For this next exercise and this is the final one in this series. It’s the same exercise, strange worlds. Stay in your group. Pull up a chair in your groups.
Igor: So bring the chairs now and we’ll add the second bit in a moment. Are you sitting comfortably?
Robin: We’re still doing strange worlds and before we take this round I would like you to take a moment, close your eyes. Take a nice deep breath in and breathe out and relax. Allow your mind to drift for a moment. Before you open your eyes, something will occur to you, some experience, some feeling or event. Something that has happened to you in the last week, month or year.
Igor: It doesn’t matter what it is
Robin: Or how long ago it was
Igor: Doesn’t matter how trivial or profound
Robin: Just that some memory
Igor: A genuine element from your personal history
Robin: Arises
Igor: And once you have something like that, no matter how small, large, significant or insignificant that it may be.
Robin: Then simply take a deep breath in, open those eyes and return to the room.
Igor: Please keep that little piece of memory stored in the back of your mind until it’s your turn to be in the middle, so to speak.
Robin: You’re still doing strange worlds. It’s still just using your imagination.
Igor: It’ll still be a world no one has seen before; however,
Robin: and as you take your turn this time, what I’d like you to do as an audience is simply listen genuinely.
Igor: And when you are being the presenter of a strange new world, simply contemplate in the back of your mind the memory that arose, trivial or profound the matter, whilst you’re busy describing a new world that you’ve never seen before.
Robin: Is everyone clear?
Igor: It will be a minute each. We’ll call your timing, so we’ll ask you to rotate.
Whenever you’re ready.
Robin: —- Take it away folks. [Exercise starts]
I’d just like to say well done. That was amazing.
Igor: Give yourself a round of applause.
[Applause]
First of all, who surprised themselves with the stuff coming out of your mouth? What kinds of things did you notice over the course of the last session or so? What kinds of things were happening? What kinds of things did you learn from, surprised you?
Student: We have a much better flow.
Robin: You have a much better flow. Can you expand on that? Do you mean you personally feel you have a better flow?
Student: I mean in order to tell stories, at the beginning maybe I was like searching for things, events and connecting to tell a story and now everything is going much easier. Things are flowing better.
Robin: Fantastic.
Igor: So you’re finding the content you want more easily, the words and descriptions are there? It seems more natural to you, right?
Student: Exactly.
Igor: Why do you think that is?
Student: Because of the exercises we did.
Igor: Because you’re warming up your mind to get into the storytelling frame of mind. Very good.
Student: We noticed that the rapport went up massively. So basically, whereas you might start off as four or five individuals at some level, as they quickly start to tell their story, especially when they added sensory richness, color, a particular feeling what have you, that really built a connection within the group, a dynamic. The group also started to develop a little bit of energy of its own.
Igor: So, are you suggesting that the more you can experience the story that your storyteller is telling the more you can get involved in their world, the more rapport you build, is that what you’re suggestion?
Student: Yes, and another step, which is the more you can include then in terms of whatever they’re responding to in your story, the more they will get sucked in, involved and dynamically…
Igor: Very powerful. Thank you.
Robin: Thank you.
Student: I just noticed there’s a lot more plausibility in the stories. They may not be real but they could be and you’re bound to lose the difference between made up and reality.
Igor: This is an important point. Who noticed how you started off random and not really thinking about it, but your stories shaped themselves more and more towards possible reality, as opposed to strange unreality. Anyone notice that sort of thing happening?
What other things did you notice?
Student: There came a point when I was feeling so exhausted from the high energy and from rapidly not having time to think that it almost like compounded the exhaustion, not having time to think, until you’re in an unconscious state of you’re not aware of what’s coming out of your mouth. You’re completely relaxed and in the zone.
Robin: A little hint… that was deliberate.
Igor: Well done by the way.
Robin: Thank you. Well done.
Student: I notice I’m now paying more attention to how the person is looking at me when I’m talking to them.
Igor: Thank you.
Student: I notice that the slower I talk the more aware I can be of how they’re looking at me.
Igor: It’s similar to what you’re saying here, are you noticing that overall you’re starting to incorporate your audience into your story more? Not necessarily to say you’re in the story with me, but more okay, I see where they are and how they’re reacting. Maybe I’ve gone too far in the description maybe I should step back a little and give them more background before I can do that step.
Are you getting a nuance of that? Yeah.
Student: I find it much easier to put emotions into the story when there is something I can relate to.
Igor: You mean this last exercise? How was that by the way, because this is important? You had a particular memory an experience that happened to you, big or small is irrelevant. Do you notice how the story just told now was different somehow than the other stuff we were making up throughout the day, as a result? Yeah.
Student: It’s back to do with the 80/20 stuff, which is basically 80% is non-verbal and 20% is verbal. So whatever you’re telling them at that 20% level with words, that 80% intent in energy of your personal experience, colors effectively the flow of the story.
Igor: So in some ways you could say that last exercise really taught you the value of wearing the cloak of story? Because they all have shared your memory, whatever it was, small trivial or large and important, but they still have no idea what it was. For lack of a better word they have a felt sense of that, would that be fair to say?
Robin: I think my experience when we do this kind of training and these exercises, and by the way, did anyone notice that certain themes tend to crop up when you do this kind of work? You tend to go through basically scatological humor, a phase. Shitting, peeing things like that and references to bodily parts, they just come up.
Then it’s often sex and death, God, spiritual themes come up and then it gets interesting, but there’s kind of a phase of garbage that we go through, because our minds are pathological. When you dream at night it’s not always fluffy puppies.
Igor: Clearly.
Robin: Our dreams can be disturbing, because our unconscious mind obviously contains both pleasurable and painful experiences.
Igor: In fact, there’s research on this very matter. Did you know that most of the dreams that people have are actually unpleasant? The mind is just trying to process things whilst your consciousness is a little more absent or more open.
And really, the bigger the taboo is on something, the less you’re allowed to consciously engaged with it; hence, scatology, death, sex, things like that, the more likely it’s going to merge in other places before we get to feel the creativity.
Robin: But the purpose of doing this kind of quick work and just getting you into the flow like this, I think, is that your senses start to come down. You stop resisting consciously and that puts you naturally into a state that’s more responsive.
Igor: Which is key as a storyteller, you don’t memorize a story and then repeat it word-for-word. In some ways books have done us a great service, but in some ways a great disservice because people think I have to read a book or novel to them to make it interesting and you do not.
Robin: Any other questions, feedback or comments?
Student: I guess the next question is, how do we create that state very easily?
Igor: That’s a very good question.
Robin: I would ask, how do you not create that state?
Student: I don’t know.
Robin: If you don’t know how you don’t not create it, then that sounds good to me, because if you forget how you didn’t, then you can continue to do it, right.
Igor: Isn’t that my line? Just bear this possibility in mind, this idea. The person you wake up as in the morning and the person you think you should be. For example, when you’re telling stories and you’re on fire and it’s all going well, are usually different people just because you’re in different psychological states of energy, arousal and so on.
There’s nothing to say that you have to be that more charismatic person straight away. All you need consciously is to know how to begin. That’s the important part. Everything else flows from that point.
Student: I found that I forgot the memory immediately and when I started telling the story I made an interesting emphasis on exactly how the feeling was portrayed. I didn’t actually plan that out at all.
Igor: That’s why it works.
Student: It came out very, it fit the story perfectly but it was portraying so many other meanings beyond that. It was interesting.
Robin: Thank you.
Igor: Thank you. So some interesting things happening, no?
Robin: I would like to draw your attention to the fact that the creation of stories, the creation of any kind of artwork and perhaps, I would say the essential element of that word artistry, wherever it’s used and in whatever context is fundamentally about the interplay between consciousness and unconsciousness and the dance of those two things in your experience.
Sometimes, when you’re just conversing with people, when you’re meeting them. When I’ve been talking to you all out there and the opportunities that we’ve had to connect, we just throw stories at each other. One story reminds you of another one and another one and we give each other strokes by sharing these stories with each other.
Sometimes, in a therapeutic context. Sometimes in a sales or persuasion context, we have a deliberate intention that we want to set. There’s something we want to set and my experience is that often time is required for these two things to begin to play together properly. For example, I’ve got this crazy cat that lives next door and I had to leave it for a while, because obviously I had to go to the Bahamas to see Igor.
Igor: You needed to come, really.
Robin: Something happened with this cat which is so funny. I got into that state where this was happening in my life, and I’ll tell you the story, eventually. I knew, I was thinking this will make a good story, so as I’m going through my life I’m thinking about it and trying it out on different people and playing with it and just developing the material.
Because the story in itself was fun. It was fun to think about. It seemed like it would go somewhere, but I didn’t know what it was for at all, until a while later somebody, a friend came and presented a problem to me and I suddenly realized what the story was for.
So be aware that those processes, those unconscious and conscious processes are dancing together and will be for the next three days. I hope that at the very least, you’ll realize over the course of the next three days, just how easy it is to stay in that flow, and that you are all naturally gifted storytellers right from the beginning.
I looked around and didn’t see anyone in the middle there, all I saw was people getting excited, animated and in the experience. I didn’t see anyone going…
Igor: I see a great tree and nothing else.
Robin: … no, nothing.
Igor: Gray, really gray.
Robin: No. So yeah, bear in mind you already have this in you, we’re just going to give you some frameworks and hopefully show you how good you are.
Igor: The key thing to the whole process, and think about this as you share over lunch, is can you enjoy your own stories? Be back at 2, we’ll start at 10 past 2.
Robin: Please, before you go, give yourself a clap. You’ve done a lot of work this morning. Well done. Thank you.
Igor: Thank you.